I thought to myself "what would I like to do?"
​
The answer was swift and true: Either kill off my conscience so that I can be a high class prostitute hit-woman while still feeling good about myself and become the richest, sexiest bitch on the planet, or become a Kung Fu Master in the mountains of China, then use my skill set to protect the Earth's natural wildlife way while living a life of peace.
​
Both of these goals just seemed toooo hard. I'm willing to work, but not that much.
​
So then I was like "I'll prove that I can make it by taking the lazy way out." And decided to become an Olympic Gold Medalist in the giant slalom, parallel slalom, big air, AND slopestyle skiing competitions.
​
I know what you're thinking "Kat, you're so fucking lazy, what a bag of shit!"
But to that I say, "Fuck you! Maybe I won't be a conscienceless, murdering, rich, sexy prostitute, or a Kung Fu Master of Zen, but are YOUUU an Olympic Gold Medalist? I don't think sooooo!"
​
​
Eating Habits
If you know me, which you do, you probably know that I have the worst menstrual cramps I've ever heard of or seen in any woman. I ate vegan for two months earlier this year, and when my uterus found out I wasn't having a baby at the end of that two months, instead of torturing me for it, it was totally cool. So now I'm ***veganish*** And Oh I feel on top of the world! I have SO much more energy, I think I'm actually a more positive person, and I feel alive like I'm on uppity drugs. But really, I think it's a lack of shitty animal hormones affecting me? Ha, fuck I don't know, but I'm going to keep it up (unless someone offers me any delicious meats or cheeses, because you don't turn down food when you're homeless or named Kathryn). My Gold Medal Olympic Diet consists of fresh veggies and fruits that I buy the day I eat them, and lots of different nuts and dried berries that I can keep for long periods of time in my car. Next step in that GOLD GOLD diet is to slowly switch to all OG BABY. Lucky me there's a health food store in Bethel! This is like my internet diary. Hi, Laural!
​
TL;DR Am vegan.
Next step, OLYMPIC STRENGTH AND DEXTERITY.
People say things to me such as "you look so goooooood boo" "You're so hawt gimme them digitz; be my bae." "Are you into sports, you seem like you're strong!"
​
Oh, I do look good, but somehow my outside body has maintained some sort of shapeliness while internally I've lost all strength, and can barely walk up two flights of stairs without wheezing.
So I joined a 24 hour gym, and stopped smoking cigarettes.
​
TL;DR Quit smoking tobacco, am working out.
Love to Make the Money
Snowboarding is GODDAMN EXPENSIVE.
So I've got myself a job at the premier hotel of the Sunday River Ski Resort. I will be an acting server at the Jordan Hotel's in-lodge restaurant venue. Where I have been granted a free ski pass, free rentals, free group lessons, free shift meals, 30% discounts on all gear sold on the mountain, and .....there's a ski lift drop off just outside the restaurant's doors. You have to make money to live, let your money make you rich in SNOWBOARDING GOLD MEDALS.
​
TL;DR Job erases snowsport expenses/lets me live on mountain.